New blog

It may be short lived, it may not be, but for the time being I am posting more on my new blog from conception to beyond.

I will still post here from time to time, but time is limited what with my life suddenly beginning to spiral out of my control and into something new.

Work is difficult as I'm am dodging trouble and violent patients with only two members of staff watching out for me as I don't want to declare anything too early. I am also still attending University and in general I'm tired more often than not, I have certainly slowed down my pace.

New blog

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/02/new-blog.html

Love

Months ago I was asked if I had ever really been in love, my answer after some thought was "no, I thought that I had been but if I had I wouldn't be able to turn it off so quickly. The only time I would say I had been was when I was in my teens, but he died so it's questionable as to how I really felt due to the emotions of death and loosing someone".

Now every so often I find myself going back to sites that belong top my ex, I feel noting seeing photos of another woman that he has taken besides an eerie feeling that she resembles an older version of me, that thought being backed up by a friend.

If I was to be asked the same question again now my answer would be that I am in love.

Everyday my emotions go crazy, when he's having a bad day I'm in pain as there's nothing I can do and the frustration of it drives me mad to the point that I run away for the night to my own flat to give us both space.
I find myself staring at him and smiling most of the time thinking how strange the last five months have been, how this is the man I've watched and admired for the past two years yet never did think in a million years I would be sat on his sofa or lying in his bed curled up in his arms.
I get scared, especially at the moment that he will give up here and go back home, that he'll just leave me. Then that thought is met with the fact that if I love him I'd have to let him go.
When we kiss I melt, even now after five months and that's something amazing for me, as we are almost living together with me spending very little time in my own flat, normally I would be bored by now and find intimacy a routine.

Have I told him how I feel? Well no, it all sticks in my throat every time I try and if we get anywhere near the subject of strong feelings he goes very quiet. He however and I don't know if he realises he did this (as sometimes he doesn't realise he thinks out loud), muttered "I love this girl", I should add that at the time he was (well should've been) very focused on me. Due to the circumstances it doesn't hold much water with me.

Love

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/02/love.html

Wordless Wednesday

poisoned kisses by Princess of Shadows


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Wordless Wednesday

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/02/wordless-wednesday.html

All fixed now ???

Well the guys have been back three times now, they say that the tiles were coming away in the shower upstairs hence my leaky ceiling and electrics.

They've fixed his tiles and are letting him know not to use his shower today. Tomorrow morning we'll see how well they repaired things upstairs.

I now have a brand new mattress to replace the water damaged one of 10 days ago, the bed is half made but not being a trusting person it's all leaning against the wall away from any leaks.

They tell me they will be back in a couple of days to paint the ceiling, put the light fittings back together and replace the smoke detector.

All fixed now ???

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/02/all-fixed-now.html

10 days later

I've just come home again to find serious water marks all over the ceiling and a half full bowl.

Thankfully I hadn't put the bed back so that's dry along with my bedding. I reported it all over an hour ago and still they haven't come to even look at it. I've taken more photos of the water marks.

I think this was possible the last thing I needed today, I'm supposed to stay here tonight, guess I'll be on the floor.

10 days later

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/02/10-days-later.html

Wet again

My bed was almost dry, I could curl up at the top end stay dry and warm, this was about half seven this morning.

I must have drifted off when suddenly I was woken by a deafening screaming noise, as I came round I realised it was the fire alarm.

Water was pouring through it again and within minutes the near empty bowl was half full and the bed was wet again.

It was half eight at this time and the alarm was too much to handle, I got my keys and headed for reception, the same security guard was there and he called for maintenance whilst I stood there. You could hear the alarm from the reception it was so loud.

Forty minutes later after calling my manager to explain why I wasn't at work and ensure I was given some paid leave, I called reception again with the alarm still going off.

An hour later the maintenance guy arrives and takes my alarm off line, the silence was deafening. He still has to come back and take my light apart to empty the water that has accumulated in there as well.

As you can see from the photo the bed is wet, very wet. It was like someone had turned a tap on. Obviously I still need to sleep, as soon as this guy comes back down from upstairs (I can hear him working up there now) I'm off to my nice dry bed and my partners flat.

I know I should put the bed linen in to wash while I'm waiting but moving is too much effort.

Wet again

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/02/wet-again.html

Rain drops keep falling on my bed

I'm sitting here awake at 4am because I can't go to bed, can't even make a bed up on the floor as my covers are all soaked.

No, not because I had an accident and lost bladder control but because there's water dripping from the smoke alarm right above my bed.

It's so typical, I hardly ever stay here, in fact it's the first time I've been here for weeks, I normally stay at my boyfriends even when I work night shift nowadays.

This has caused me to see far more of a work mate than I ever wanted to and he doesn't even live in the flat. I have also cleaned having not a lot else to do at the present time.

Whilst cleaning I have found a print out of an email from my ex, I almost sent him one back having read it again after so many months. I stopped myself though as there's just no point.

I really wanted to ask if after what he confesses in the email how he would have reacted if that had been me. He had two young ladies stay at his flat one night and although he says nothing happened he does admit that both had admitted to having feelings for him.

Of course I know what his reaction would have been if the situation was reversed and that's why he hid it from me and lied when I confronted him about the girls.

Rain drops keep falling on my bed

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/02/rain-drops-are-falling-on-my-bed.html