Stupidly Annoyed

Whilst sitting here feeling a little bored I was browsing the net and found a comment that made my blood boil. It's sad because I shouldn't let things like this bother me but I've taken it as a dig towards me.

Memorable Moment:
A long time ago when all the grown ups were still alive and we were innocents waking up to a new world every day; learning about life through play with very little care for anything other than our immediate world. To me, this is the most important memory that anyone can ever have. If you have this memory then spare a thought for those who had it taken away from them too soon.

I know that the person who wrote the above quote thinks that I am a person who had these memories taken away from me too soon. Only it all depends on how you view it and life.

I am a well adjusted adult, yes I suffered abuse as a child and yes that abuse had a knock on effect on my teenage life. The only thing is I have come to terms with everything that happened and it has helped to form who I am today.

Okay I'm as 'normal' as the next person and as everyone else I do sometimes have funny little things, quirks that make me, me an individual.

Guess the thing that gets me is that the person who said the above believes I haven't dealt with the issues from my childhood, they do not want to except that I have and that any problems are part of me, that maybe I just wasn't happy being part of their life and not being allowed to be me.

Stupidly Annoyed

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/01/stupidly-annoyed.html

Wordless Wednesday

Rebirth of Hope by Iribel


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This is my Tuesday/Wednesday edition for WW, guess this is the easiest way to do this now.

I'm now using auto-links, this means you have to comment to have a link left in the Mister Linky links, when you comment just ensure the little box is checked at the bottom of the main comment box and that you are using the comment link and not the Blogger comment link.

Wordless Wednesday Participants

1. maryt/theteach 2. Indonesian WAHM 3. The Paranormal Blog 4. Comedy Plus 5. SandyCarlson

6. CK Go Places 7. Natalie 8. eastcoastlife 9. MamaWise 10. Onward Christian Woman

11. Not Afraid To Use It 12. Bobbie 13. Jientje/Heaveninbelgium 14. D. Renee Bagby

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Wordless Wednesday

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/01/wordless-wednesday_23.html

Back at home after just one night away. The travel (an hour and a half train journey) really seems to have taken it out of me.

Yesterday when mum was having yet more blood tests done as she developed blood clots during the Chemo (she is actually really lucky as she had had some of the milder symptoms for a while before it was discovered that she had bilateral Pulmonary Embolisms), I stayed home waiting for a delivery that I knew was coming. My other half had given me money when he left for work to get her some flowers so I cheated and ordered them on interflora to save carrying them on the train.

It's always hard leaving mum now, I see her more often as there's no pressure on me to be here and no panic from my beloved that I'm going to do the dirty on him, at least he doesn't show it if there is. There's not just mum that I'm leaving though, there's my dog, and he sulks as soon as he sees my bags packed again. Mum uses the dog as an excuse not to come to the train station when really it's because she's too tired.

Even at the age of 31 I find myself feeling like a little girl again, obviously mum is indestructible and nothing will hurt her then the thoughts of the worst happening hit me again and I wonder how the hell I will cope if the worst does happen. It's not even the long term that bothers me when these thoughts come, just how do I organise the funeral, I don't have a clue. She tells me that she has a plan in place so it will ease the burden for her partner and myself, only he doesn't want to face any possibilities like that.

For the time being I find myself wanting to put it all to the back of my mind, I mean we just had positive results, she has no more cancer left. The problem is however positive I want to be I know that there is always a chance that it will come back and it's still early days.

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/01/back-at-home-after-just-one-night-away.html

Happy News

At the moment I'm home with my mum, she was discharged from hospital on Monday after having aggressive surgery to remove a second cancerous lump that developed at rapid speed during the first week of her radiotherapy (was there a link? I don't know.)

Today we all went back to the hospital to get her results; the tissue tests on the removed mass showed the the cancer tissue was surrounded by health tissue, so it would suggest that they removed all the cancer, the scans do not show any more masses hiding inside.

Now she's healing well, they cannot use certain tapes on her as she has what amounts to third degree burns from the surgical tape, all the same she's healing.

Only time will tell now.

Happy News

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/01/happy-news.html

Geeky type post about video games

Years ago when I had my Dreamcast I had the game Ecco the Dolphin, so that must've been around 2000.

It had to be the hardest game I had ever tried to play and it made no sense to me, seemingly with no clear objectives.

The graphics were really pretty though. Anyone who had a DC back then will know that the graphics were pretty amazing on most games, Soul Calibur for example was released on the Play Station under a slightly different title (Soul Edge or Blade) just a couple of years before and you could see the difference, with the PS graphics still being blocky, but as reviewed on ign.com Soul Calibur on the DC was ...

The first game in memory to look better on a console than it did in the arcade, Soulcalibur offered amazing visuals as a Dreamcast launch title, and still remains one of the best-looking and best-playing fighting games years later.

So anyway getting back to Ecco, for Christmas my new fella bought me a PSP, oh I had a choice of consoles but I wanted something I could play round his when he's out so portable was the only option. I bought myself the Sega Megadrive Collection, being the big Sega fan that I am (I used to hang out with the DC chat room administrators).

On the Sega Megadrive Collection there's a whole host of what would now be classed as retro games including Ecco the Dolphin, Ecco: The Tides of Time and Ecco Jr.

I get it now and I am managing to progress through the levels. Okay, it's not the action packed game that I normally play but as frustrating and annoying as it is I am enjoying it.


For anyone who is stuck on games try GameFAQs for walkthroughs and help, and for everything Tomb Raider it has to be Tomb Raider Chronicles even if the typos are chronic on their walkthroughs.

Geeky type post about video games

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/01/geeky-type-post-about-video-games.html

Frustration and news

I'm so frustrated, my mum went into hospital on Sunday afternoon, she had her operation to remove more cancer on Monday.

I'm not allowed to talk to her and I can't even send her flowers as they are not allowed on the ward.

Yesterday I called her mobile and a nurse answered, for starters that is out of order, fine tell the patient they need to turn it off but DO NOT answer it for them !!!

Over the weekend while I was working we had an incident where a bank staff (temporary staff) started shouting at the shift coordinator when she was told she would be called from her break in one hour (that's all the break any of us are allowed), since I have had to write a statement about the incident and the staff in question has been baned not just from my ward but from the whole unit, and the unit immediately attached to us.

Monday was my first day at University, it's not scary like last time, only thing I can see that is going to be a problem is the level that some of the others are, I am going to have to bite my tongue and remind myself that I have already done most of this course and they haven't. In would be nice if I used this and helped those who struggle, and I will but only to the point that I do not end up falling behind myself, one of my many downfalls in the past.

One thing that amazed me on Monday was how people can work in the NHS as support workers for so many years and not know who the NMC are, okay the NMC (Nursing and Midwifery Council, the governing body for nurses and midwives) do not govern support staff but a lot of the NMC Code of Conduct is used for support staff as well. I'll not rant about that subject now though as it could be another blogosode.

Going back to Uni this time supported by work I am now only on the ward three days a week with Uni being two days, and I'm still on full time wages. This has to be the best upside next to the final qualification there is, especially at the moment with the worst patient in the trust on my ward.

Frustration and news

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/01/frustration-and-news.html

2007 summed up

Thought I would do a bit of reflection over the last year and more so the last few months of the year as that is when major changes happened in my life, so here goes with a summary to begin.

The beginning of 2007:
My now past long term partner and I took a break, I was heartbroken and cried my way through it, communicating via email we managed to get back together. We go to the Lakes and to Paris.

Mid 2007:
We decided to buy a house in the Lakes, well near the Lakes anyway. We began house hunting and found somewhere.

My mum is diagnosed with breast cancer, she has a full mastectomy and begins chemo therapy.

The pressure is showing but we put it down to the house hunting/buying. Finally we manage to get a mortgage, I move into his flat and the deeds are sent to us.

Courses at work appeal to me and I want to do them before I move, job hunting before having moved was proving difficult and not only because of our distance at the the time but because although I have years of experience I was kicked out of Uni.

Now we both use our get out clause and decide that due to some issues within the deeds of the house we won't buy it.

Towards the end of 2007:
I find I have to move out of his flat, after only six weeks. Neither of us were talking properly by this time and things were hard.

I take Bounce to my mums and move into the nurses accommodation. By the end of the week we have broken up and an ugly show is given to all who live in the nurses accommodation.

I begin seeing someone else, we take it all one day at a time. Christmas comes and goes, my birthday and new years. Still one day at a time although we may as well be living together.

Mum starts radiotherapy and another lump appears and grows within a week. She has another biopsy and all treatment is stopped, she is booked in for major surgery to remove the cancer with no further plans for any other therapy.

So that was a round up of 2007, some days I find it hard with stray thoughts flying around my head, how could things have been different? Why didn't I see stuff before? Why do I become so accommodating?

Over the recent holiday period I had the blame game thrust upon me via email, as I sat reading it I shouted at the screen, as a friend sat reading it she asked "has he forgotten this/that". I never responded and still I have no energy to do so, I can not continue to go round in circles.

I take responsibility for my faults, I fight now not to do the same things again, this time I have help and I'm forced to make my own choices, speak my mind and do whatever I want within reason. When talking about simple things like eating meat I'm reminded that it is my fault that things were the way they were and that if I wasn't so submissive then it would not have been an issue for so long (okay admittedly we may have broken up sooner but it's true).

2007 summed up

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/01/2007-summed-up.html

A follow-up note on hacks

I have had to remove most of the hacks mentioned in previous posts as they just weren't working after Ramani had problems with hosting his scripts, I tried to fix all of the problems months ago but loads of personal issues meant I didn't have the time to sit and work with the html.

The blog is still using some of the hacks and I will get around to adding the others eventually.

Hacks currently used on this blog include:

• There are now tabs at the top of the page, these show the 5 most frequent tags that I use. The hack for this can be found at Hoctro's Place Showing your Blogger Labels as Tabs with Ramani's Tweak your label tabs from Hackosphere giving the 5 most frequent.
• A table of contents by Hans at Beautiful Beta.
• Adding a wider-sidebar to your blog by Vivek Sanghi at Stubborn Fanatic.
  

A follow-up note on hacks

http://www.mytopsy-turvylife.co.uk/2008/01/follow-up-note-on-hacks.html