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Months ago I was asked if I had ever really been in love, my answer after some thought was "no, I thought that I had been but if I had I wouldn't be able to turn it off so quickly. The only time I would say I had been was when I was in my teens, but he died so it's questionable as to how I really felt due to the emotions of death and loosing someone".
Now every so often I find myself going back to sites that belong top my ex, I feel noting seeing photos of another woman that he has taken besides an eerie feeling that she resembles an older version of me, that thought being backed up by a friend.
If I was to be asked the same question again now my answer would be that I am in love.
Everyday my emotions go crazy, when he's having a bad day I'm in pain as there's nothing I can do and the frustration of it drives me mad to the point that I run away for the night to my own flat to give us both space.
I find myself staring at him and smiling most of the time thinking how strange the last five months have been, how this is the man I've watched and admired for the past two years yet never did think in a million years I would be sat on his sofa or lying in his bed curled up in his arms.
I get scared, especially at the moment that he will give up here and go back home, that he'll just leave me. Then that thought is met with the fact that if I love him I'd have to let him go.
When we kiss I melt, even now after five months and that's something amazing for me, as we are almost living together with me spending very little time in my own flat, normally I would be bored by now and find intimacy a routine.
Have I told him how I feel? Well no, it all sticks in my throat every time I try and if we get anywhere near the subject of strong feelings he goes very quiet. He however and I don't know if he realises he did this (as sometimes he doesn't realise he thinks out loud), muttered "I love this girl", I should add that at the time he was (well should've been) very focused on me. Due to the circumstances it doesn't hold much water with me.
Now every so often I find myself going back to sites that belong top my ex, I feel noting seeing photos of another woman that he has taken besides an eerie feeling that she resembles an older version of me, that thought being backed up by a friend.
If I was to be asked the same question again now my answer would be that I am in love.
Everyday my emotions go crazy, when he's having a bad day I'm in pain as there's nothing I can do and the frustration of it drives me mad to the point that I run away for the night to my own flat to give us both space.
I find myself staring at him and smiling most of the time thinking how strange the last five months have been, how this is the man I've watched and admired for the past two years yet never did think in a million years I would be sat on his sofa or lying in his bed curled up in his arms.
I get scared, especially at the moment that he will give up here and go back home, that he'll just leave me. Then that thought is met with the fact that if I love him I'd have to let him go.
When we kiss I melt, even now after five months and that's something amazing for me, as we are almost living together with me spending very little time in my own flat, normally I would be bored by now and find intimacy a routine.
Have I told him how I feel? Well no, it all sticks in my throat every time I try and if we get anywhere near the subject of strong feelings he goes very quiet. He however and I don't know if he realises he did this (as sometimes he doesn't realise he thinks out loud), muttered "I love this girl", I should add that at the time he was (well should've been) very focused on me. Due to the circumstances it doesn't hold much water with me.
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