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Back at home after just one night away. The travel (an hour and a half train journey) really seems to have taken it out of me.
Yesterday when mum was having yet more blood tests done as she developed blood clots during the Chemo (she is actually really lucky as she had had some of the milder symptoms for a while before it was discovered that she had bilateral Pulmonary Embolisms), I stayed home waiting for a delivery that I knew was coming. My other half had given me money when he left for work to get her some flowers so I cheated and ordered them on interflora to save carrying them on the train.
It's always hard leaving mum now, I see her more often as there's no pressure on me to be here and no panic from my beloved that I'm going to do the dirty on him, at least he doesn't show it if there is. There's not just mum that I'm leaving though, there's my dog, and he sulks as soon as he sees my bags packed again. Mum uses the dog as an excuse not to come to the train station when really it's because she's too tired.
Even at the age of 31 I find myself feeling like a little girl again, obviously mum is indestructible and nothing will hurt her then the thoughts of the worst happening hit me again and I wonder how the hell I will cope if the worst does happen. It's not even the long term that bothers me when these thoughts come, just how do I organise the funeral, I don't have a clue. She tells me that she has a plan in place so it will ease the burden for her partner and myself, only he doesn't want to face any possibilities like that.
For the time being I find myself wanting to put it all to the back of my mind, I mean we just had positive results, she has no more cancer left. The problem is however positive I want to be I know that there is always a chance that it will come back and it's still early days.
Yesterday when mum was having yet more blood tests done as she developed blood clots during the Chemo (she is actually really lucky as she had had some of the milder symptoms for a while before it was discovered that she had bilateral Pulmonary Embolisms), I stayed home waiting for a delivery that I knew was coming. My other half had given me money when he left for work to get her some flowers so I cheated and ordered them on interflora to save carrying them on the train.
It's always hard leaving mum now, I see her more often as there's no pressure on me to be here and no panic from my beloved that I'm going to do the dirty on him, at least he doesn't show it if there is. There's not just mum that I'm leaving though, there's my dog, and he sulks as soon as he sees my bags packed again. Mum uses the dog as an excuse not to come to the train station when really it's because she's too tired.
Even at the age of 31 I find myself feeling like a little girl again, obviously mum is indestructible and nothing will hurt her then the thoughts of the worst happening hit me again and I wonder how the hell I will cope if the worst does happen. It's not even the long term that bothers me when these thoughts come, just how do I organise the funeral, I don't have a clue. She tells me that she has a plan in place so it will ease the burden for her partner and myself, only he doesn't want to face any possibilities like that.
For the time being I find myself wanting to put it all to the back of my mind, I mean we just had positive results, she has no more cancer left. The problem is however positive I want to be I know that there is always a chance that it will come back and it's still early days.
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