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Thought I would do a bit of reflection over the last year and more so the last few months of the year as that is when major changes happened in my life, so here goes with a summary to begin.
The beginning of 2007:
My now past long term partner and I took a break, I was heartbroken and cried my way through it, communicating via email we managed to get back together. We go to the Lakes and to Paris.
Mid 2007:
We decided to buy a house in the Lakes, well near the Lakes anyway. We began house hunting and found somewhere.
My mum is diagnosed with breast cancer, she has a full mastectomy and begins chemo therapy.
The pressure is showing but we put it down to the house hunting/buying. Finally we manage to get a mortgage, I move into his flat and the deeds are sent to us.
Courses at work appeal to me and I want to do them before I move, job hunting before having moved was proving difficult and not only because of our distance at the the time but because although I have years of experience I was kicked out of Uni.
Now we both use our get out clause and decide that due to some issues within the deeds of the house we won't buy it.
Towards the end of 2007:
I find I have to move out of his flat, after only six weeks. Neither of us were talking properly by this time and things were hard.
I take Bounce to my mums and move into the nurses accommodation. By the end of the week we have broken up and an ugly show is given to all who live in the nurses accommodation.
I begin seeing someone else, we take it all one day at a time. Christmas comes and goes, my birthday and new years. Still one day at a time although we may as well be living together.
Mum starts radiotherapy and another lump appears and grows within a week. She has another biopsy and all treatment is stopped, she is booked in for major surgery to remove the cancer with no further plans for any other therapy.
So that was a round up of 2007, some days I find it hard with stray thoughts flying around my head, how could things have been different? Why didn't I see stuff before? Why do I become so accommodating?
Over the recent holiday period I had the blame game thrust upon me via email, as I sat reading it I shouted at the screen, as a friend sat reading it she asked "has he forgotten this/that". I never responded and still I have no energy to do so, I can not continue to go round in circles.
I take responsibility for my faults, I fight now not to do the same things again, this time I have help and I'm forced to make my own choices, speak my mind and do whatever I want within reason. When talking about simple things like eating meat I'm reminded that it is my fault that things were the way they were and that if I wasn't so submissive then it would not have been an issue for so long (okay admittedly we may have broken up sooner but it's true).
The beginning of 2007:
My now past long term partner and I took a break, I was heartbroken and cried my way through it, communicating via email we managed to get back together. We go to the Lakes and to Paris.
Mid 2007:
We decided to buy a house in the Lakes, well near the Lakes anyway. We began house hunting and found somewhere.
My mum is diagnosed with breast cancer, she has a full mastectomy and begins chemo therapy.
The pressure is showing but we put it down to the house hunting/buying. Finally we manage to get a mortgage, I move into his flat and the deeds are sent to us.
Courses at work appeal to me and I want to do them before I move, job hunting before having moved was proving difficult and not only because of our distance at the the time but because although I have years of experience I was kicked out of Uni.
Now we both use our get out clause and decide that due to some issues within the deeds of the house we won't buy it.
Towards the end of 2007:
I find I have to move out of his flat, after only six weeks. Neither of us were talking properly by this time and things were hard.
I take Bounce to my mums and move into the nurses accommodation. By the end of the week we have broken up and an ugly show is given to all who live in the nurses accommodation.
I begin seeing someone else, we take it all one day at a time. Christmas comes and goes, my birthday and new years. Still one day at a time although we may as well be living together.
Mum starts radiotherapy and another lump appears and grows within a week. She has another biopsy and all treatment is stopped, she is booked in for major surgery to remove the cancer with no further plans for any other therapy.
So that was a round up of 2007, some days I find it hard with stray thoughts flying around my head, how could things have been different? Why didn't I see stuff before? Why do I become so accommodating?
Over the recent holiday period I had the blame game thrust upon me via email, as I sat reading it I shouted at the screen, as a friend sat reading it she asked "has he forgotten this/that". I never responded and still I have no energy to do so, I can not continue to go round in circles.
I take responsibility for my faults, I fight now not to do the same things again, this time I have help and I'm forced to make my own choices, speak my mind and do whatever I want within reason. When talking about simple things like eating meat I'm reminded that it is my fault that things were the way they were and that if I wasn't so submissive then it would not have been an issue for so long (okay admittedly we may have broken up sooner but it's true).
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