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Recently over this last month I've had relationship problems, we went on a break for instance, his choice not mine I said then that I had a feeling it would be the beginning of the end.
I'm trying hard but my personal automatic response is to close down, walls go up and mask is fitted. That doesn't mean things don't hurt or that I've stopped caring, just my emotional protection is of the utmost importance.
I think it's fair to say that I'm not happy with how things are, for instance I really can't be bothered to get dressed and go round to see him tonight, the idea bores me, the fact that that is my general mood at present is beside the point. Thinking of going round to sit and be told things in patronising tones or be ignored when speaking ... Why do I want to put myself through that?
Now I guess you ask why am I blogging this and not talking about it, well I've been told in no uncertain terms that deep, heavy discussions are off the cards.
I'm really struggling with everything here even this post, stuff goes round in my head but I don't seem to be able to put it in to words, I'm not sure actually if that isn't even more like I don't want to put it into words. Therefore I don't speak to anyone about it, everything I say seems to be negative or comes out negative, my mate already is not impressed so I stopped talking to him about stuff, then that makes me wonder if it's just that he's like my mother and is never impressed with my boyfriends.
So I'm guessing this is now me rambling, avoiding my real thoughts and skirting around them, well maybe when I'm in a more positive mood I'll read this again and rewrite it.
I'm trying hard but my personal automatic response is to close down, walls go up and mask is fitted. That doesn't mean things don't hurt or that I've stopped caring, just my emotional protection is of the utmost importance.
I think it's fair to say that I'm not happy with how things are, for instance I really can't be bothered to get dressed and go round to see him tonight, the idea bores me, the fact that that is my general mood at present is beside the point. Thinking of going round to sit and be told things in patronising tones or be ignored when speaking ... Why do I want to put myself through that?
Now I guess you ask why am I blogging this and not talking about it, well I've been told in no uncertain terms that deep, heavy discussions are off the cards.
I'm really struggling with everything here even this post, stuff goes round in my head but I don't seem to be able to put it in to words, I'm not sure actually if that isn't even more like I don't want to put it into words. Therefore I don't speak to anyone about it, everything I say seems to be negative or comes out negative, my mate already is not impressed so I stopped talking to him about stuff, then that makes me wonder if it's just that he's like my mother and is never impressed with my boyfriends.
So I'm guessing this is now me rambling, avoiding my real thoughts and skirting around them, well maybe when I'm in a more positive mood I'll read this again and rewrite it.
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